Draco Nobilis
by Skitty-Kat
Summary: A bittersweet monolgue of Draco Malfoy.


Draco Nobilis  
  
Disclaimers: I found Draco in a box of Nesquik, honest. Can I keep him please? Otherwise, he belongs to JKR. Title, uh, appropriated from Terry Pratchett.  
  
Another school year, another year when Potter's been a hero. Can he do no wrong? All he has to do is bat his eyelashes and look tragic and practically everyone's eating out of his hand. And all that because Voldemort killed his parents when he was a baby. He's a lucky bastard in that respect. He's never had to please his parents, and become what they want him to be. He's free to do what he wants, free to pick his own side.  
  
I don't get that option. Every Malfoy for generations have been Dark wizards or witches. It's in the name; it associates with words like malefactor, malediction, malevolent and malicious. Everyone judges me by that, expects me to become just another Malfoy, giving me no chance to be anything else. Even my family's first names have dark connotations; Lucius makes people think of Lucifer, the devil, and Narcissa, well, narcissism means 'abnormal self-love'. I was named Draco by my parents, from the Greek for snake. Looking it up in the library, I found that there was a Muggle called Draco in the 7th century BC. He was an Athenian lawgiver who made very harsh laws, stating the death penalty for most offences. The actual word 'Draconian' comes from him, meaning rigorous or cruel laws.  
  
For all my life and before, my father has been shaping me to become another one of Voldemort's pawns. And, until I came to Hogwarts, that's all I ever wanted to be. But, being here, I can see what other choices I could have. I suppose that back home I only got shown the path that my father wanted me to take, and got pushed down it, fast as possible. I wish that I'd had more control over it then, but I didn't know anything else.  
  
Even if I did, say, change allegiances, my father would never accept it. He'd probably disown me, and then where would I be? I may not agree with him all the time, but I do love him, and mother. Father's always telling me to be crueller to Potter, make more snide comments and suchlike. If I don't, he just ignores me. I can't bear that. He gets all cold and distant. The only way I can regain his affection, such as it is, is to think of some other way to torment Potter. He's obsessed with purebloods and all that, and thinks that all Mudbloods should be got rid of. That's part of his thing against Potter, that Potter's mother was Muggle-born. I know I should believe all this as well, but sometimes I just don't know.  
  
Father isn't the only one to encourage me in this. Professor Snape does as well. Snape's really got something against Potter, he seems to loathe him completely, but I don't know why. It could be something about Potter's father, as they went to school together, along with that Sirius Black. Apparently, Black is innocent. All those Muggles were killed by Peter Pettigrew, who then faked his own death to get Black locked up and not him. My father saw Pettigrew when the Death Eaters were summoned by the re-born Lord Voldemort, and he asked him about it then. I would never be able to say anything about it though. For a start, no one would believe me, and secondly, my father would never forgive me. I couldn't live with that. It may sound sad, but I need his approval. I need to know that someone appreciates me.  
  
No one would ever respect me again, if I 'changed sides', so to speak, and turned against Voldemort. Everyone in Slytherin would hate me, and it's not as if I've particularly got any proper friends, there or elsewhere. I just get the kind of frightened respect that someone from an ancient pureblood family like mine gets. Crabbe and Goyle are more like henchmen, of the 'duh, boss' type, too damn stupid to do anything except follow in their parents' way.  
  
I've realised, thinking about it, just how buggered up my life is. I haven't got much of a choice. I could go on as I do now, being exactly what I'm expected to be, following my father, and knowing that it's wrong. But alternatively, I could be something else. Damn it, in a way Potter's getting to me, making me actually think about being different. I knew what I was doing before, and didn't question it.  
  
They say there's going to some sort of a war soon, now that Voldemort's been re-born.  
  
I wonder which side I'll pick.  
  
End.  
  
~Did you like it? Tell me what you think, and how I could improve it. Cheers! ~ 


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